Monday, September 9, 2013

Honesty: Food

     i have an interesting relationship with food.  I love to eat and love tasty treats.  I also have lots of issues with weight, acne (yep at 30), mood, energy level you name it!  Over the years I have tried lots of different "diets" to improve these situations.  I quote the word diets because they werent really diets but lifestyle changes.  I was a vegan for 3 years then when gluten free then paleo, well 95% paleo.  I been on this journey for years.  I was reading for months about veganism before I finally tried it.  I like to do lots of research.  I have read more books on food and eating than any other kind of book.  I read cookbooks like they were books, each recipe...  I think food should be seen as more than just something you eat, but how you fuel your body, as medicine and a way to heal. I have learned a lot about food and I have learned a lot about how food affects me.  I think there are many foods in this world that we eat that arent good for us.  Gluten is at the top of the list.  Back in the day when we baked our own bread I think it was less bad, but still.  I have never been tested to see if I was a Celiac, but I know that after giving up gluten for a few months eating again was an awful idea!  It makes me balloon out and look like I am 5 months pregnant.  Not a very good look...  It also hurts!  I get a headache and feel cloudy.  I also get mean.  I believe this is all do to the fact that I am being poisoned...  Recently when I tried to drink butter in my coffee I learned it also makes me very unpleasant.  I go to a dark place.  I should also mention that I am Bipolar.  When I went vegan I improved a ton!  I had very few episodes.  When I started eating meat again I was in a weird state of angry depression for the first few months.  I cried all the time and would yell at anyone.  I think this was all the extra hormones from the animals I was eating.  I am fine with it now.  I do feel better when I eat organic meat, but you can only do so much of that when you are broke...  So I think it was the hormones in the butter that made me crazy not so much the lactose.  It gave me headaches and heartaches.  Not something I want to continue to have.  

I have had many friends with opinions on me and food.  I have also had people who arent my friends have opinions on me and food, these I take much less stock in...  "If its in a blog you believe it."  Yeah.  Not just one blog but I have done research using blogs and what ever I am interested in is found in multiple blogs and webpages.  "I like to over complicate my life."  This one is the funniest to me.  I am trying to uncomplicat my life.  Life is too short to feel awful all the time and if I can fix that with food, YaY!  I dont feel I ask for special treatment.  I have many friends who take good care of me and my issues.  This is something that always pleasantly surprises me!  Makes me feel loved.  "Sarah chooses not to eat cheese."  Yep, but not for the same reasons.  I liked cheese, understatement, I loved cheese!  I choose not to eat it so I wont feel suicidal, yeah the butter made me feel suicidal.  Not cool or worth it to me.  

I feel like I am the best path for me.  Paleoish.  I will keep trying to do what is best for me and not care what people think.  I want to be the happiest, healthiest version of me.  Crying and yelling at people I love is not on that list.

Thanks for listening!

Road to playing the guitar:  Downloaded tuning app
101 in 1,001 list written:  86!  Getting there...
New closet bar installation:  The left hand side is almost screwed in all the way...
TV show:  I had to switch to How I Met Your Mother.  I need some funny!

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